How Do I Love My New Bicycle...?

Let me count the ways...

Oh bicycle, you are shiny and olive green,
Your hand brakes are amazingly responsive,
Your many gears allow a weakling such as myself to climb hills with ease.

Oh sweet bicycle, you are so fun to ride,
Your seat is extra padded and your wheels have excellent shock absorbtion,
You protect me from the pain a bumpy road can cause in my "special place".

Oh precious bicycle, your tires are filled with slime.
Other bicycles would not hesitate to become flat at the mere mention of a nail,
But not you, oh bicycle...You reseal yourself with but a turn of your wheel.

Oh lovely bicycle, I look forward to you every day,
For you I will even wear a stupid looking helmet, cause I know,

Oh yes I know,

That you are the miracle that will cause my growing thighs to shrink.
Yes, you are the miracle that will cause me to fit in my size 2 jeans again.

Oh bicycle, oh shiny new bicyle
Only you could make me wake up before 7 AM each morn
Only you can cause me to look forward to working out
Only you can bring mutually enjoyable recreational companionship to my marriage

Oh sweet, shiny, precious, new bicycle,

I love you